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The story of our first friendly visit by HM C&E (A very different story of the second visit)
Imagine the situation. It had been a glorious hot day, early in the summer of 2001. Our three girls, then aged 3, 8 and 10 were playing in the garden with four of their school friends . They had rigged a hose pipe up into the tree house to make a shower, and they were all running about in various stages of nakedness, getting completely soaked and rather over excited. I was in the upstairs toilet dealing with the youngest one who needed a poo, when I was called by a wet girl saying "There are police men outside, and they want to speak to you."
Initially I thought the worst possible. Had my wife been involved in a fatal road accident? It was not uncommon for the police to call at our house, but never before with bad news. Having been a local Councillor I was often asked for local information. But when I got to the front door, I found a very smart man and woman dressed with impeccable white uniforms, surrounded by a hoard of dripping children. By the grins on their faces I could tell they were not going to bring bad news, and as soon as I recognised the loopy design of their lapels I realized these were not Police but HM Customs officers.
At first, I assumed that this was a friendly visit by representatives of the HM C&E people I had recently been corresponding with to register as a producer of substitute fuels. But their manner was a bit brisk to say the least. Whilst I was asking them in and offering tea or coffee, they were holding up plastic coated identity cards, and demanding that I identify myself as John Nicholson, of Tanrallt, Rhostryfan. My rather naive response was to apologize for the chaos, the apparent lack of any house name on our gate, and that I must have forgotten their appointment, but they were none-the-less very welcome. They pointed out that they did not have an appointment on this occasion.
We stumbled into the kitchen . I showed all the children back out in to the garden, and stated to prepare cups of coffee. The customs folk did not seem interested. They were not prepared for this sort of a reception. Clearly, this was not intended as a social call. I asked if they had come from Chester (where I had last corresponded with the registration department) No, they had come from Swansea. I was amazed they had come so far! They emphasised they were enforcement, not registration. They had been notified that I was making bio-diesel. As it happened the pans I used for our first bio-diesel experiments were still about in the kitchen. Reactor one and reactor two, where now in use making black currant jam and cider. The officers looked bemused.
I suggested we look over some paper work and invited them into our living room. Past a huge rocking horse, I indicated there was a settee. I went upstairs to where I have an office, and thankfully they did not follow me (just because my office is more like a waste paper processing plant than anything else). The bio-diesel file was relatively near the surface. I returned to the living room, where they were politely seating one at each end of the settee, not too close together to imply any form of intimacy. So I simply sat down between them. It was now a jolly scene, one on my right and one to my left. I opened the file on my knee, and they immediately saw that more than half the papers were from HM C&E. They recognised names of their colleagues and seemed to take no further interest. I showed them the copy I had taken of my returned EX103 form, and they were satisfied that I was registered. Their visit clearly served no further function.
"Oh yes", I said. "I had no problems registering, except the time it takes to find out who to write to. It seems that people don't register very often." They scoffed.
"So if you are not from registration, then why had you not contacted that department first before driving all the way up from Swansea?" I asked. I was told they had received a tip off from surveillance suggesting that I had communicated with people via the internet about making bio-diesel. We chatted a bit and I tried to show pictures of the work we had been doing to convert vehicle to burn straight vegetable oil, but I could not find the pictures in the file. I therefore suggested I send them pictures as e-mails. They did not have their e-mail addy to hand, but it was invited out to their van to get it.
It was only when we went round to the road at the back of our house that I began to realise the seriousness of the situation. They had parked like bailiffs almost blocking the road, and several neighbours were peering over the walls to see what ever was happening. Their van was not so much a van as a travelling chemistry lab, complete with a prison with barred windows. Inside, was another officer who seemed to have been recording our whole conversation by way of a hidden radio link. On the co-drivers seat was a thick wadge of papers which I recognised at once. It was a printout of our web site with pictures of the family, our house, our children and everything. Well, it is published there for people to see and use. But they also had copies of my e-mails to people from all over the world asking about the making of bio-diesel.
One of the officers showed me a copy of a section of my website about the part I took in providing evidence that led to the prosecution of the clerk to our local Community Council for fraud. "We thought you would be on our side" he said, "When we saw this."
What does this incident tell us? It tells us that our private e-mails are not secure, and the government probably monitors everything we do on the internet. So just beware!
The lesson :
If you are considering making any form of alternative fuel, then do register with HM C&E first. If necessary use the copies of the forms which may be downloaded from elsewhere on this site. Click here to get to the download site Keep a paper copy of all of your letters and the forms you send to HM C&E. Keep all your files within easy reach in the event of a 'friendly visit'.